Friday, October 25, 2013

{ hope }

What does hope look like to you? If you're like me, hope takes on new meaning with each new situation in life. I used to think that having "hope" meant holding onto a wish or desire, believing that it will come true.  Then life threw a dozen curveballs my way and suddenly I was left asking God what having hope  REALLY looked like. I came to understand, through reading scripture and one of my favorite books "Reign on Me by Holly Gerth", that hope is not a wish to be granted. Having hope means holding onto God's promise that no matter what happens in life, He W I L L carry you through it. Not only will He pull you through, but you will be transformed by Him because of it. Don't get me wrong, it is perfectly fine to have hope that a desire, such as having a family, will come true in His time. However, I am learning, by experience, that maybe my hope shouldn't be rooted in MY desires, but by His alone.

 I saw this the other day and thought it was pretty neat.  Though, as a I keep looking at it, I have a little bit of a problem with it. The pain from some trials are so deep that they will NOT end. I do believe that the grieving pain and depth of pain from a loss will eventually taper off, but in all reality, there are certain situations that life throws our way that in which 5 months, 5 years, or 50 years from now will still be painful to revisit. However this fits into your situation, I still think the above picture is awesome- even if I still struggle with some of the details.


Above all- we have Hope in Him that he will carry us through whatever life hands us- good or bad.  No matter what my dreams or your dream is- His plans are better, through heartache and happiness!

Romans is a great book of the bible filled with HOPE verses:

" For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience"  8:24-25

"Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope for the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces HOPE, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." 5:2-5


What does hope look like to you right now? I'm praying for your understanding of hope in your situation whether it be good or bad. Know that no matter what you have been through or are currently walking in- He WILL carry you through!

-Kristin


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

All aboard the perspective train...


When I was a little girl I would wake up and lay there in bed, staring at my fingers for awhile before actually getting up for the day. You see, I am "legally blind". This doesnt mean I can't see anything, it just means my vision is worse than 20/200 ( in fact my vision is 20/800... yikes!) When I was little my vision began to fade quick and so began the years of awkward big glasses and then finally contacts. Every night I'd lay in bed, essentially blind to everything around me. It could be terrifying at times. But in the morning, I'd open my eyes and before putting my glasses on, I'd lay there, face against the mattress, staring at my hands. I had lost sight of nearly everything, but my eyes could focus with incredible intensity on my hands, fingers, nails, everything directly in front of me. I could see every little wrinkle and line in my hands, every tiny hair standing straight up. As soon as I'd put my glasses or contacts in, I could no longer see that close with such clarity. I always wondered, " Can everyone see things that close up with such sharpness? Or is it only because I have such immense nearsightedness?"

I still wake up and am amazed by my hands. I know that may sound creepy to you, but it is amazing to see something God created so close up with such definition and sharpness. Especially when you are not able to see it on a daily basis. It is only when I am blind that I can see with such clarity. I was pondering this beauty the other day while driving back to Arkansas and the word perspective  kept flashing in my brain.

In highschool my good friend Charles & I would spend summers outside looking up at the clouds talking about what shape's we see. Everytime we'd look at a big puffy white cloud, we would each say what we thought it looked like. The majority of the time we both saw something different. Then we'd always end by saying, " it's all about perspective..." Same clouds, different perspective's, different outcomes.

It is incredible how much perspective I have gained in the last 2 years on many avenues of life I never wanted to imagine. I often feel like I was living life much like a horse with blinders on it. Not able to see behind or beside me. I was looking straight ahead and determined to accomplish life goals in the order I wanted with the perfection I so "deserved". Throw in disappointing life circumstances, losses and tragedy's and suddenly I found myself drowning in a sea of my own egocentric perspective.  I could only see my desire's in front of me, and when those came crashing down, I was left unaware of how to refocus my eyes on the truth of what was actually in front of me.

Enter the Cross.

Oh, how thankful I am for the cross. My heart literally overflows with thankfulness for my Savior. Never in my life have I understood the depth of God's nurturing love, intense forgiveness, and unwaivering faithfulness as I have today. He used my pain from disappointments to blow the blinders off my eyes and open them to a whole world of understanding. Suddenly my perspective was changing, growing, everyday. He is teaching me perspective, daily.

I recently had a medical procedure done in St. Louis to make sure things were "okay" . I had already had this procedure done this time last year, but my new specialist Dr. wanted to take a look herself. Everything was fine and dandy last year so as usual, I expected this to be great too. Especially since literally all 50 billion medical tests I have had in the last 2 years all come up "normal" .  To my shock, it was NOT normal. In fact, it threw another wrench in my "perfect plans" . In a couple weeks I will have  surgery to fix the problem and who knows what to expect there after. My point in telling you this is because this was the first time I have heard something disappointing like this that I didn't flip out. In fact, I honestly feel like God has given me new perspective on things like this. On one hand, I can be sad that my body is once again broken and now requires surgery, money and time to "fix" . On the other, I can choose to take the perspective of thankfulness and trust. Thankful that they found this before it turned into more losses/disappointments. Thankful for this Dr's eagerness to treat me. Thankful for insurance. Thankful for loving family and friends that pray for me and encourage me daily. I have the choice to take a true heart of trust. God knows my pain. He knows my desires. He knows my intense prayers. He knows what I need, when I need it and HOW I need it. I want to continue learning how to whole heartedly give my worries, my circumstances, and my desires to God without putting parameters and rules around my trust in Him.

My perspective on life is always changing. I feel as though I'm always adding little perspective coins in my bank of perspective. And although we all have a natural perspective on any and everything, I want to remind you (and myself), that often times we have a choice in what perspective we choose to take on life circumstances. You can always stop and ask yourself " How am I going to view this today?" " How am I going to let affect me today?" It amazes me that only when my desires came crashing down and only when I am literally physically blind to all things far off, I am able to see what is truly in front of me with incredible clarity.


Today, I am choosing a perspective of thankfulness & trust in Him.